Primarily it comes down to this: holy crap, is this part of my social life. Maybe January just happens to be a social-gatherings-requiring-alcohol-heavy month, but there must have been around seven or eight times where me drinking would have been more appropriate to the situation than me not drinking. That's around one in four nights.
I'm thinking my new rule is going to be only to drink socially, never alone. Which I didn't do a whole lot of anyway, but it has been nice at times to come home, read a book and have a glass or two of wine. Or a fake Margarita where only the alcohol was real.
I also noticed that during my interview to volunteer with the AIDS Health Project they asked us about our using habits. My response went something like, "Well, that's funny, because I am actually taking a month off of alcohol or any other kind of drug. Not that I was using that much before, but it is nice to take a month off to make sure your habits are healthy. I would say that I drink mostly on the weekends, with friends or when I am going out. I mean, I certainly never drank at work..." I sound like a total alcoholic...
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
a coworker
coworker: (to me) hey, you been working out?
me: (not sure whether to feel flattered or just awkward) um... yes?
coworker: see me checking you out?
me: stop that! stop that immediately!
awkward wins :(
me: (not sure whether to feel flattered or just awkward) um... yes?
coworker: see me checking you out?
me: stop that! stop that immediately!
awkward wins :(
Friday, January 23, 2009
i just saw my therapist
walking down the street. I'm 85% sure he was drunk. Stumbling, and the like. I think god has decreed it official awkward run-ins day. And if He/She/Sie hasn't, I do. My therapist didn't see me, and obviously he is a human with a personal life (like I someday hope to be) but it's still weird.
scrubbing my corneas
I was walking down 7th St. yesterday when I saw someone wearing a hoodie walking in front of me and another guy standing on the edge of the corner. The guy standing on the edge of the corner gives the person ahead of me one of the most intensely lustful up-and-down looks I have probably ever seen. This kind of thing doesn't really bother me one way or the other, but the guy tripped my gaydar a little and I got curious so I picked up my pace to get a look at the other person's face. My thought process at that point went something like: "Small-framed guy? Baby-faced street-girl? Or... oh... you're a... 12-year-old boy... eeeewwwwwwwwwwwww...."
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
thoughts on valkyrie profile lenneth
This is a more enjoyable game than I thought it would be, as I am playing it an 10:20 on a work night.
I am realizing that I feel like most magic systems in the games I have played cast magic as a big-gun kind of weapon, and as such they load a lot of limits onto it in order to balance it out. MP, charge times and limited spells per battle, off the top of my head. Usually I find the result is that magic is overburdened to the point of being useless. Final Fantasy 8, Vagrant Story and Xenogears come to mind, although I think the classic example of this is FF Tactics.*
One thing I am liking about Valkyrie Profile is that it isn't nearly as weighed down. There is a kind of rebound charge time after casting that varies depending on the spell, but over-all it balances nicely with the strengths and weaknesses of normal physical attacks. It's powerful too; the basic heal spell heals 80% of every character's HP but has a long rebound time, so your caster is out of commission for the next 3-4 turns. This can mean the end of the battle anyway. The result is a challenge that actually makes me think over my options rather than "more ninjas!"
On a side-note, the premise of the game is that you are a Valkyrie in Norse Mythology who collects noble souls, trains them, and then sends them to the Ragnarok in Valhalla. A pretty cool premise, I think. One of the things that you have to do is improve character traits to make them more heroic. Some bad character traits that you have to eliminate are "romantic" and "non-drinker." I suppose if you are being sent to a version of heaven in which you hack each other to peaces all day and drink mead and have sex all night, "romantic" and "non-drinker" would be bad things. I appreciate the wry humor of that.
*On why I hate magic in Tactics: Tactics has all of these things, plus you risk hitting your own troops, your ability to cast spells proficiently also makes you more vulnerable to them, and caster classes usually have crappy stats and crappy stat growth. Even magic as an ability does not go up when you level as a caster- yeah, I checked the stat growth charts. There just aren't a whole lot of spells worth all of the limitations. The thing that gets me is that this game is so remarkably balanced in so many ways, but not magic. No wonder I had so many damn ninjas.
I am realizing that I feel like most magic systems in the games I have played cast magic as a big-gun kind of weapon, and as such they load a lot of limits onto it in order to balance it out. MP, charge times and limited spells per battle, off the top of my head. Usually I find the result is that magic is overburdened to the point of being useless. Final Fantasy 8, Vagrant Story and Xenogears come to mind, although I think the classic example of this is FF Tactics.*
One thing I am liking about Valkyrie Profile is that it isn't nearly as weighed down. There is a kind of rebound charge time after casting that varies depending on the spell, but over-all it balances nicely with the strengths and weaknesses of normal physical attacks. It's powerful too; the basic heal spell heals 80% of every character's HP but has a long rebound time, so your caster is out of commission for the next 3-4 turns. This can mean the end of the battle anyway. The result is a challenge that actually makes me think over my options rather than "more ninjas!"
On a side-note, the premise of the game is that you are a Valkyrie in Norse Mythology who collects noble souls, trains them, and then sends them to the Ragnarok in Valhalla. A pretty cool premise, I think. One of the things that you have to do is improve character traits to make them more heroic. Some bad character traits that you have to eliminate are "romantic" and "non-drinker." I suppose if you are being sent to a version of heaven in which you hack each other to peaces all day and drink mead and have sex all night, "romantic" and "non-drinker" would be bad things. I appreciate the wry humor of that.
*On why I hate magic in Tactics: Tactics has all of these things, plus you risk hitting your own troops, your ability to cast spells proficiently also makes you more vulnerable to them, and caster classes usually have crappy stats and crappy stat growth. Even magic as an ability does not go up when you level as a caster- yeah, I checked the stat growth charts. There just aren't a whole lot of spells worth all of the limitations. The thing that gets me is that this game is so remarkably balanced in so many ways, but not magic. No wonder I had so many damn ninjas.
do I have a dirty mind, or does the universe?
I was watching TV at the laundromat, and there was a shot of "the world's longest waterslide," the "Black Anaconda," which had three or four African-American gentlemen sitting in it.
My question: how much of this is me seeing this, rolling my eyes and being willing to read something into it? How much is it the creators of the ride who decided to give the world's longest waterslide a provocative name? And perhaps most of all, how much of this is the producers of this stupid news segment who saw the Black Anaconda and decided to wait for the first group of dark-skinned men before saying, "there, Joe. There's our shot."
On a note vaguely related in my own head, I was on the bus yesterday innocently day-dreaming of how changey everything was when I see a poster ad that read "yes you can" with the middle "o" being a Pepsi symbol. Righteous indignation followed, although in retrospect I'm not sure I have a good reason for feeling that way. Is there any reason why a company can't coop a political message? Sure, it's dishonest, but is it any more so than when they show biscuits making a dough-man fake an orgasm or cereal that make your kids do better in school? I don't know that it is.
Mmmm... biscuits...
My question: how much of this is me seeing this, rolling my eyes and being willing to read something into it? How much is it the creators of the ride who decided to give the world's longest waterslide a provocative name? And perhaps most of all, how much of this is the producers of this stupid news segment who saw the Black Anaconda and decided to wait for the first group of dark-skinned men before saying, "there, Joe. There's our shot."
On a note vaguely related in my own head, I was on the bus yesterday innocently day-dreaming of how changey everything was when I see a poster ad that read "yes you can" with the middle "o" being a Pepsi symbol. Righteous indignation followed, although in retrospect I'm not sure I have a good reason for feeling that way. Is there any reason why a company can't coop a political message? Sure, it's dishonest, but is it any more so than when they show biscuits making a dough-man fake an orgasm or cereal that make your kids do better in school? I don't know that it is.
Mmmm... biscuits...
Friday, January 2, 2009
master cleanse
Alright, day one of the master cleanse.
If you aren't familiar, I'll spare you the google search. You drink saltwater in the morning, a homemade lemonade concoction through the day, and a laxative tea at night.
And since I know you are screaming at your computer screen "why!?!?!" let's get the disclaimers out of the way. I know that the master cleanse is a goofy idea. For most people it's a shock weight-loss diet that isn't even particularly effective. The guy who created it was pretty much a nut-job. It's also a little, well, unpleasant as fasts go. It does have a few selling points, though: it cleans out your (ahem) piping, it gets people to think more closely about what they are eating, and I have a few work friends to do it with. There also isn't much to eat around the house, besides the roughly 20 slabs of red meat I got from my grandmother for Christmas. No, really. More than anything, though, not eating for a few days (10 is the goal...we'll see) can't be any worse for me than most of the crap I eat daily anyway. Really, I've been trying to be more food conscious anyway recently, and this is another way of exploring that for myself.
So...not that bad so far, other than that I want food. Not hungry, just really wanting to eat a biscuit. Mmmmm, biscuit.
I don't actually think I have the willpower for this. We'll see.
If you aren't familiar, I'll spare you the google search. You drink saltwater in the morning, a homemade lemonade concoction through the day, and a laxative tea at night.
And since I know you are screaming at your computer screen "why!?!?!" let's get the disclaimers out of the way. I know that the master cleanse is a goofy idea. For most people it's a shock weight-loss diet that isn't even particularly effective. The guy who created it was pretty much a nut-job. It's also a little, well, unpleasant as fasts go. It does have a few selling points, though: it cleans out your (ahem) piping, it gets people to think more closely about what they are eating, and I have a few work friends to do it with. There also isn't much to eat around the house, besides the roughly 20 slabs of red meat I got from my grandmother for Christmas. No, really. More than anything, though, not eating for a few days (10 is the goal...we'll see) can't be any worse for me than most of the crap I eat daily anyway. Really, I've been trying to be more food conscious anyway recently, and this is another way of exploring that for myself.
So...not that bad so far, other than that I want food. Not hungry, just really wanting to eat a biscuit. Mmmmm, biscuit.
I don't actually think I have the willpower for this. We'll see.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
my grandmother vs. the computer
g-ma: Why can't I access email on this new computer?
me: I've set your email to be your homepage. Just click the little button that says "email" (a renamed "Internet Explorer" shortcut)
g-ma: I have clicked it. It won't open.
me: Did you try double-clicking it?
g-ma: ...no. Oh, look at that, double-clicking it made all the difference!
me: But you, you've been using computers for, how could you not know that you have to... (deep breath) never mind.
Sometimes I wish computers frustrated her less. Sometimes I wish she frustrated me less.
me: I've set your email to be your homepage. Just click the little button that says "email" (a renamed "Internet Explorer" shortcut)
g-ma: I have clicked it. It won't open.
me: Did you try double-clicking it?
g-ma: ...no. Oh, look at that, double-clicking it made all the difference!
me: But you, you've been using computers for, how could you not know that you have to... (deep breath) never mind.
Sometimes I wish computers frustrated her less. Sometimes I wish she frustrated me less.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
second-hand story
I believe my source when he says this really happened.
A pollster is campaigning for Obama in rural Pennsylvania. He's canvassing door-to-door. He comes up to this house where a woman answers the door. He asks her which candidate she will be voting for. The woman calls into her husband, "hey, who are we voting for?" A male voice from inside replies, "that n*****." (rhymes with trigger)
I'm not entirely decided yet, but I think that warms my heart... a little...
A pollster is campaigning for Obama in rural Pennsylvania. He's canvassing door-to-door. He comes up to this house where a woman answers the door. He asks her which candidate she will be voting for. The woman calls into her husband, "hey, who are we voting for?" A male voice from inside replies, "that n*****." (rhymes with trigger)
I'm not entirely decided yet, but I think that warms my heart... a little...
holy flaming crap, batman!
If I vote yes on prop 8, I am choosing which consenting adult you can or cannot marry.
I fail to see how this makes sense to anyone, particularly conservatives.
I fail to see how this makes sense to anyone, particularly conservatives.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
second presidential debate
Part 1 in a possibly not ongoing cycle, encompassing the first half of the debate.
Tom Brokaw: Welcome to the second presidential debate, sponsored by the commission on presidential debates.
me: You're not Gwen Ifill! You're not Gwen Ifill at all!
Brokaw: Everyone clap.
Audience: Clap.
Brokaw: Now shut up. First question from random old guy in section A.
Random Old Guy: How would you protect old people from the spiraling economy of doom?
Obama: Fear is scary, but don't worry, it was all Bush's fault. McCain was sucking him off at the time. Tax cuts for the middle class. Peace!
McCain: I've got a plan. It's a plan for energy reform!
me: huh?
McCain: Tax cuts for the eve(wealthy)rybody! Plus, I'm gonna stabilize home values. How you ask? I'm Jesus. That's how.
Brokaw: Um... I think the Treasury Secretary is Jesus, thank you. Who would you appoint for that role? McCain? McCain!
McCain: Huh, screw you, what? Oh, um... damn, Obama called dibs on Warren Buffet, so... Meg Whitman. Yes, Meg Whitman.
Obama: Warren Buffet.
Brokaw: Come on guys, play by the rules. Please? Okay, next question.
Audience guy: Why are we spending $700 billion on this bailout thing?
McCain: Aww, good question little buddy! But it's relief, not bailout. You are black so this may be hard to understand, but I'll talk really slowly. Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac = bad, Obama supports Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac, and the real Americans like old white guy from section A suffer. Now vote for me and I'll give you a lollipop!
me: Sweet Jesus, that was the most condescending thing I have ever heard.
Obama: If the bailout doesn't pass, all puppies everywhere will explode simultaneously. Plus McCain is a deregulation whore, while I wrote sternly worded letters to important people. McCain + Fanny Mae = bff.
Lady from section C: You both suck! How do we trust either of you?
Obama: Okay, we both suck. But George Bush super sucks plus a jillion! McCain hearts Bush!
McCain: I don't suck. I'm a reformer! I'm a maverick! Obama is all words, the senate is liberal. Pork barrel, projectors, and I'm Jesus!
Brokaw: Rank these three things in order of importance: health care, energy, entitlements.
McCain: Bipartisanship. Bipartisanship and Reagan and... um... terrorists.
Obama: Energy, health care, education, tax cuts, mimes.
Brokaw: Guys, please play by the rules. You're not being nice! Now, from the internets: what are Americans going to have to sacrifice?
McCain: Corrupt spending and earmarks. And Obama. And I'm Jesus.
Obama: Remember 9/11? Well Bush wants you to buy puppies, and then eat them. Turn off lights when you leave the room.
Brokaw: Let's be honest: Wall Street, Washington, and average consumers all got drunk off of loose debt and easy credit. How would you fix that?
Obama: Stay away from, jazz and liquor, and investors who, play for fun! Earmarks aren't as, bad as tax cuts, and US is number 1!
McCain: That slippery Obama. You've got more tax plans that molasses in January. Bad news: Obama secretly wants to anally probe small businesses with spiky cucumbers.
Obama: Can I break the rules just one more time to...
Brokaw: Sit your ass down, bitch.
Obama: But, oh, OK.
Tom Brokaw: Welcome to the second presidential debate, sponsored by the commission on presidential debates.
me: You're not Gwen Ifill! You're not Gwen Ifill at all!
Brokaw: Everyone clap.
Audience: Clap.
Brokaw: Now shut up. First question from random old guy in section A.
Random Old Guy: How would you protect old people from the spiraling economy of doom?
Obama: Fear is scary, but don't worry, it was all Bush's fault. McCain was sucking him off at the time. Tax cuts for the middle class. Peace!
McCain: I've got a plan. It's a plan for energy reform!
me: huh?
McCain: Tax cuts for the eve(wealthy)rybody! Plus, I'm gonna stabilize home values. How you ask? I'm Jesus. That's how.
Brokaw: Um... I think the Treasury Secretary is Jesus, thank you. Who would you appoint for that role? McCain? McCain!
McCain: Huh, screw you, what? Oh, um... damn, Obama called dibs on Warren Buffet, so... Meg Whitman. Yes, Meg Whitman.
Obama: Warren Buffet.
Brokaw: Come on guys, play by the rules. Please? Okay, next question.
Audience guy: Why are we spending $700 billion on this bailout thing?
McCain: Aww, good question little buddy! But it's relief, not bailout. You are black so this may be hard to understand, but I'll talk really slowly. Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac = bad, Obama supports Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac, and the real Americans like old white guy from section A suffer. Now vote for me and I'll give you a lollipop!
me: Sweet Jesus, that was the most condescending thing I have ever heard.
Obama: If the bailout doesn't pass, all puppies everywhere will explode simultaneously. Plus McCain is a deregulation whore, while I wrote sternly worded letters to important people. McCain + Fanny Mae = bff.
Lady from section C: You both suck! How do we trust either of you?
Obama: Okay, we both suck. But George Bush super sucks plus a jillion! McCain hearts Bush!
McCain: I don't suck. I'm a reformer! I'm a maverick! Obama is all words, the senate is liberal. Pork barrel, projectors, and I'm Jesus!
Brokaw: Rank these three things in order of importance: health care, energy, entitlements.
McCain: Bipartisanship. Bipartisanship and Reagan and... um... terrorists.
Obama: Energy, health care, education, tax cuts, mimes.
Brokaw: Guys, please play by the rules. You're not being nice! Now, from the internets: what are Americans going to have to sacrifice?
McCain: Corrupt spending and earmarks. And Obama. And I'm Jesus.
Obama: Remember 9/11? Well Bush wants you to buy puppies, and then eat them. Turn off lights when you leave the room.
Brokaw: Let's be honest: Wall Street, Washington, and average consumers all got drunk off of loose debt and easy credit. How would you fix that?
Obama: Stay away from, jazz and liquor, and investors who, play for fun! Earmarks aren't as, bad as tax cuts, and US is number 1!
McCain: That slippery Obama. You've got more tax plans that molasses in January. Bad news: Obama secretly wants to anally probe small businesses with spiky cucumbers.
Obama: Can I break the rules just one more time to...
Brokaw: Sit your ass down, bitch.
Obama: But, oh, OK.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
so much tackiness!
It's so painful it almost cycles back to beautiful again, which must truly make it like looking into the face of God...
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
things that occur to you
Specifically, things that occur to you while standing for three hours in front of Safeway waiting for a taxi.
-There are a lot of pumpkin decorations walking by.
-There are worse things than getting paid for sitting around on your ass.
-All the birds are flying in one direction. Must be a migration thing.
-Why would you get baked off your ass before coming to Safeway? Shopping takes concentration, dammit.
-I wonder how sunburned I'm getting.
-This dispatcher clearly thinks I'm just messing with him.
-Why don't I bring a book to this damn thing?
-No, creepy guy holding the gas canister, I'm not taking a ride in your shady-ass car.
-Why are all the birds flying West? Is this like Heaven's Gate for birds?
-The longer I'm waiting here, the better the story this will eventually make.
-If I call this dispatcher one more time, he's going to leave me stranded here forever.
-That taxi saw me, said to itself "hell no," and then drove away. I'm a leper fare.
-I could have walked the first shopping cart to the facility, unloaded, walked it back, walked the other cart to the facility, unloaded, walked it back, then walked back to the facility by now. Excellent.
-There are a lot of pumpkin decorations walking by.
-There are worse things than getting paid for sitting around on your ass.
-All the birds are flying in one direction. Must be a migration thing.
-Why would you get baked off your ass before coming to Safeway? Shopping takes concentration, dammit.
-I wonder how sunburned I'm getting.
-This dispatcher clearly thinks I'm just messing with him.
-Why don't I bring a book to this damn thing?
-No, creepy guy holding the gas canister, I'm not taking a ride in your shady-ass car.
-Why are all the birds flying West? Is this like Heaven's Gate for birds?
-The longer I'm waiting here, the better the story this will eventually make.
-If I call this dispatcher one more time, he's going to leave me stranded here forever.
-That taxi saw me, said to itself "hell no," and then drove away. I'm a leper fare.
-I could have walked the first shopping cart to the facility, unloaded, walked it back, walked the other cart to the facility, unloaded, walked it back, then walked back to the facility by now. Excellent.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
surprisingly creepy
Imagine being alone in your room, in the dark, at midnight. You haven't quite drifted to sleep. Suddenly you hear a ringtone, "The Saints Come Marching In," coming from inside your room. You know that this is not your ringtone. You also can't see anything.
Only later do you realize your jerk friend altered your ringtone to that one without telling you. And you nurse just a little more hatred in your heart.
Only later do you realize your jerk friend altered your ringtone to that one without telling you. And you nurse just a little more hatred in your heart.
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