Monday, May 5, 2008

The I Hate Cedric Theme Song

Two days ago, I can only hope, was the last conversation I will ever have with the most obnoxious client provider in the history of the universe. Ever. In celebration, a little music.

Oh Cedric, my Cedric, you're such a damn ass
You're behind on the subject and full of hot gas
When you're clueless you won't just bite down and admit
Holy crap! I'm not paid to deal with your shit

badum dum dum...

actual conversation with Cedric!:

me: Hi, I'm X's primary counselor.
Cedric: ... OK.
me: I'm working on some treatment goals for him. He's pretty tight-lipped. I was wondering what you thought.
Cedric: Well, I have my own treatment plans. You need to find your own.
me: ... ... ... ? I'm asking for your insight, since you have been working with him.
Cedric: Well, that's your job.
me: huh...

Oh Cedric, dear Cedric, please do roast in hell
And why does each sentence you say start with "well"?
I call you a jerk but words can't convey
The depth of how much I want you far away

ba dum dum dum...

me: Hi Cedric, how are you doing?
Cedric: ...
me: OK, so I'm calling to ask about X's medications. It seems he is running low.
Cedric: Well, I don't know about that.
me: You're his primary provider. Aren't you in charge of making sure his meds are filled? (Note to reader: the answer is yes)
Cedric: Well, you are going to have to call his doctor at the hospital for that.
me: Do you have the doctor's name?
Cedric: Not in front of me. You'll have to look it up.
me: Or a number? Anything to make calling the hospital a little bit easier?
Cedric: No.

The one I hate most of your many bad traits
Is the utter refusal to let me know straight
You'll weasel and whine and say "that's not on me"
Which is true, even when it needed to be

ba dum dum dum...

me: Hello Cedric, I am having a hard time finding X housing. Do you have any leads?
Cedric: Well, this one. But it probably won't be ready for several months.
me: We can only keep him 90 days. Is there anything else that can be arranged?
Cedric: Well, I'm following up on this one. But it probably won't be ready for several months.
me: Fine, never mind.
me several weeks later: Hello Cedric. I am working with the bed committee to get X housing before he leaves. I did most of this paperwork, but you need to fill out one section. Can you do that and fax it over?
me even later: Hello Cedric, it turns out we need to apply for emergency funds. Again, I need you to fill out this one section and fax it over.
me even later: Hello Cedric, I need to work out X's departure date.
Cedric: Well, that's your guys' issue.
me: Of course it is. But we need to coordinate it with you since you will be helping move his possessions. He can move in on the first.
Cedric: I know. I arranged the housing.
me: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ahhhhhhhHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Cedric, dear Cedric, you fail again
Turns out you can't tell me if, where, or when
And then you imply that I don't do my work?
Well guess what? You're right! I did yours you damn jerk!

May I never work with this man again.

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