Tuesday, September 30, 2008

so much tackiness!

It's so painful it almost cycles back to beautiful again, which must truly make it like looking into the face of God...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

gotta say

Fantasy me would totally have done this.

(It's the latest OOTS)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

things that occur to you

Specifically, things that occur to you while standing for three hours in front of Safeway waiting for a taxi.

-There are a lot of pumpkin decorations walking by.
-There are worse things than getting paid for sitting around on your ass.
-All the birds are flying in one direction. Must be a migration thing.
-Why would you get baked off your ass before coming to Safeway? Shopping takes concentration, dammit.
-I wonder how sunburned I'm getting.
-This dispatcher clearly thinks I'm just messing with him.
-Why don't I bring a book to this damn thing?
-No, creepy guy holding the gas canister, I'm not taking a ride in your shady-ass car.
-Why are all the birds flying West? Is this like Heaven's Gate for birds?
-The longer I'm waiting here, the better the story this will eventually make.
-If I call this dispatcher one more time, he's going to leave me stranded here forever.
-That taxi saw me, said to itself "hell no," and then drove away. I'm a leper fare.
-I could have walked the first shopping cart to the facility, unloaded, walked it back, walked the other cart to the facility, unloaded, walked it back, then walked back to the facility by now. Excellent.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

surprisingly creepy

Imagine being alone in your room, in the dark, at midnight. You haven't quite drifted to sleep. Suddenly you hear a ringtone, "The Saints Come Marching In," coming from inside your room. You know that this is not your ringtone. You also can't see anything.

Only later do you realize your jerk friend altered your ringtone to that one without telling you. And you nurse just a little more hatred in your heart.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

response to the blasphemy challenge

me: (in context) have you ever heard of the blasphemy challenge?
program director: no.
me: it's this thing where this atheist group called on people to commit blasphemy as a way of affirming their atheism.
program director: well Jesus H. God-Bastard Christ.
me: ... teehee.

Friday, September 12, 2008

thoughts from the slug offensive

When I come home yesterday I notice the back door open, which is a common occurrence in our house. I take the trash out, make some food, go about my business.

Then I'm at the kitchen sink doing sinky things, when I look down. At my feet is a small, turd-like phenomenon. My first suspect is the neighbor's cat or dog. Upon closer inspection, this is not a turd, but a slug. As I am escorting the slug off the premises, I notice more slugs in our back storage area. Then I notice that my sock is sticky from what I strongly suspect is slug-juice before I realized the problem.

Now I've made sure to keep the door closed, I've been looking up slug-repelling devices online, and I have added a layer of salt to our threshold for good measure. Flies, non-poisonous spiders and moths I can deal with, but slugs? And why is our otherwise awesome apartment starting to feel like hell's zoo?

I'm not going to whisper sweet nothings about regular blogging, but it is more on my radar now.