Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I have just re-read this entire blog

and you know what I realized?

My sense of humor has really not changed in the last two and a half years.

It is funny, because I picture myself as such a different, hopefully more mature person than I was back then, thanks largely to my job. I am more comfortable around people, more comfortable in my own skin, and generally a lot more confident. Yet it scares me to think that many of my views have not changed much since then. I suppose I fear becoming stuck in my ways and not growing as a person.

Back then I was grateful to be getting out of school and working. Now I am grateful to be going back to school (which was the progression I was expecting all along). Back then I was cementing a lot of my views on race and gender, and I think a lot of what has happened the last two years has been my heart and gut catching up with my head somewhat.

And while I want to read my own progress as positive, I find myself feeling strangely conflicted about it, wondering if maybe I have not grown enough or if I am missing something. Maybe I fear that I have not taken enough risks, enough chances, that I have held back. And perhaps I am too hard on myself.

Perhaps most importantly, maybe I should not get all nostalgic an hour before I have a date with someone. I bet my newfound friend Pink will snap me out of this!

the rules of dating

with examples!

Rule 1: Respect yourself.
Hey, you can trust me, I'm clean!
Hey, you can kiss my ass!
Do we have to do that with a condom too?
Wow, goodbye.

Rule 2: Respect the other person.
You weigh 350 lbs.
Yeah, so? I said that in my online profile.
Your online profile said "beefy"
Exactly! So?
Ugh, I'm not attracted to you, but I also kind of feel like an asshole :(

Rule 3: Have fun (or walk away)
Hey man, fart in my face!
I really like it. Just fart in my face!
Uh, no thanks. Sorry... eeehh...

Rule 4: Never get so drunk or high as to leave yourself vulnerable
What's your name again? Wait, wasn't that the state line?!

Rule 5: Always have an exit strategy
Hey, wanna go to the Barracks? I'll drive.
Four hours later: Oh sweet mother of mercy I want to go home!
Hey just a little longer. Wooooooo!

Rule 6: Trust what people do, not what they say
I don't drink that much, really.
Really? Because you just pulled off six belly shots like it was nothing.
So? It was your belly!
Well, yes, but that isn't the point...

Rule 7: Be consistent about what you want and what you are willing to do.
Drink 1: We should just be friends
Drink 2: We should really just be friends
Drink 4: Friends make out with each other
Drink 6: Oral sex isn't really sex
Drink 9: Threeways? I love threeways! Wooooooo!

I suspect this list will continue to grow in the coming weeks and months. Open to suggestions!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


I am sitting on my bed, downloading the latest Pink album. An hour later it will happen.

It is two weeks ago. I driving with my friend Jesse in Virginia. He is describing Pink's most recent album. He says that he initially though Pink would be a one-hit wonder.

In ten minutes the album will be downloaded and "So What" will start to play.

It is 2000. I find myself wondering who the hell would listen to someone named Pink.

In thirteen and a half minutes "Sober" replaces "So What." It is the most popular song on the album to date.

It is 2001 and "Get This Party Started" is a hit. I can't stand the damn song, nor the artist.

The album continues to download. I am wondering why the hell I am doing this.

In twenty minutes "Bad Influence" will be playing. It will be my favorite song on this album.

My friend Jesse is still talking while he drives. It is dark out. I am wondering if he sees something in pop music that I am missing.

In 45 minutes I will be listening through most of the songs a second time. The event is almost upon me.

It is 10 minutes ago. On a lark, I decide to download the most recent Pink album, based largely on Jesse's recommendation.

In 55 minutes I will be eating a carrot and humming "Bad Influence." I then realize that I want to listen to it again. I become horrified at this realization and begin experiencing Dr. Manhattan-like flashbacks.

It is still 2001 and a few of my friends are talking. I hear one of them remark, "I really don't feel like listening to someone who's going to have an identity crisis every time she decides to dye her hair a new color."

It is an hour from now. My sense of myself and the universe has lost all cohesion. My mind shatters, my will breaks, my brain feels as if it will implode. At this moment, I will have to admit that I like Pink.

In an hour and ten minutes, I will begin to blog. It will be the first time in several months that I have done so.

It is five days from now, a Sunday. I am going to watch a movie with friends. They tease me mercilessly for all of this.