Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I have just re-read this entire blog

and you know what I realized?

My sense of humor has really not changed in the last two and a half years.

It is funny, because I picture myself as such a different, hopefully more mature person than I was back then, thanks largely to my job. I am more comfortable around people, more comfortable in my own skin, and generally a lot more confident. Yet it scares me to think that many of my views have not changed much since then. I suppose I fear becoming stuck in my ways and not growing as a person.

Back then I was grateful to be getting out of school and working. Now I am grateful to be going back to school (which was the progression I was expecting all along). Back then I was cementing a lot of my views on race and gender, and I think a lot of what has happened the last two years has been my heart and gut catching up with my head somewhat.

And while I want to read my own progress as positive, I find myself feeling strangely conflicted about it, wondering if maybe I have not grown enough or if I am missing something. Maybe I fear that I have not taken enough risks, enough chances, that I have held back. And perhaps I am too hard on myself.

Perhaps most importantly, maybe I should not get all nostalgic an hour before I have a date with someone. I bet my newfound friend Pink will snap me out of this!

1 comment:

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