Tuesday, April 21, 2009

the rules of dating

with examples!

Rule 1: Respect yourself.
Hey, you can trust me, I'm clean!
Hey, you can kiss my ass!
Do we have to do that with a condom too?
Wow, goodbye.

Rule 2: Respect the other person.
You weigh 350 lbs.
Yeah, so? I said that in my online profile.
Your online profile said "beefy"
Exactly! So?
Ugh, I'm not attracted to you, but I also kind of feel like an asshole :(

Rule 3: Have fun (or walk away)
Hey man, fart in my face!
I really like it. Just fart in my face!
Uh, no thanks. Sorry... eeehh...

Rule 4: Never get so drunk or high as to leave yourself vulnerable
What's your name again? Wait, wasn't that the state line?!

Rule 5: Always have an exit strategy
Hey, wanna go to the Barracks? I'll drive.
Four hours later: Oh sweet mother of mercy I want to go home!
Hey just a little longer. Wooooooo!

Rule 6: Trust what people do, not what they say
I don't drink that much, really.
Really? Because you just pulled off six belly shots like it was nothing.
So? It was your belly!
Well, yes, but that isn't the point...

Rule 7: Be consistent about what you want and what you are willing to do.
Drink 1: We should just be friends
Drink 2: We should really just be friends
Drink 4: Friends make out with each other
Drink 6: Oral sex isn't really sex
Drink 9: Threeways? I love threeways! Wooooooo!

I suspect this list will continue to grow in the coming weeks and months. Open to suggestions!


rjamm said...

What happened to "Don't ask the other person what their race is"?

Though I am proud of you for discovering bold and italics.

zurvan said...

I've played around with bold and italic before, usually it seems like overemphasis to me, but I liked this layout.
I kind of figured the race one was joking, but might there be a broader rule there? "don't ask inappropriate, probing questions" or something?